Norwood, New Jersey

My father was a pastor and he abandoned the family when I was 7 years old.

2005 when I was 7, my mother, my brother, and myself moved from San Diego, California to Norwood, New Jersey.

When I was 12 in 2010, I wanted to leave Norwood, New Jersey.

The greatest goal for me growing up was to leave New Jersey. I hated New Jersey. I hated Norwood. I had many friends growing up. But I had many more people who hated me, hurt me deeply, outcasted me, rejected me, bullied me, and made me feel alone and worthless. They told me, "You don't belong here. Go away." Some people when I went to high school said I would end up dead or serving life in prison.

I wanted to leave Norwood and the state of New Jersey.

I wanted to be far away from the people who hurt me and made me feel alone and worthless. I wanted to be far away from my abusive older brother Paul.

I wanted my older brother Paul to stop trying to control my life, waste my time, and trying to force me to be exactly like him. I wanted my older brother Paul to stop abusing me.

I wanted to be far away from the people who hurt me.

I wanted to live in a new area with new people.

I wanted to find new people who care about me and accept me.

I wanted a new life and a new identity.

I wanted a better life.

I needed better people in my life.

I wanted to graduate high school and college in a different area.

It started when I was 12 I wanted to live in New York, LA, Chicago, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Dallas, I wanted to be anywhere but New Jersey.

I dropped out of high school in February 2014. I was a sophomore. I wanted to leave NVOT, Northern Valley Old Tappan High School in Old Tappan, New Jersey. I wanted to leave the people who hurt me and made me want to kill myself. I wanted to be far away from them and have a new life somewhere else.

I was willing to do anything to leave New Jersey. That includes taking the shame of being a high school dropout. I'm Korean, East Asian, and I dropped out of high school because I wanted to leave New Jersey that badly.

My brother is 18 years older than me. He was trying to control my life. He abused me. He used me as his punching bag. He wasted many hours of many days of my life. He wasted many hours of my life by lecturing me all the time. By giving me 3 hour in person lectures and 2 hour phone call lectures. I can't do anything important in my life when I don't have my time. I can't study when I don't have my time. And because I didn't have time to study, I didn't get A grades for my tests and assignments. He lectures me again, condemns me, criticizes me, attacks me, and wastes my time because I didn't study.

My brother is a compulsive liar. He said when I was in middle school he would send me to a military boot camp because I'm such a terrible son. He said when I was 16 he would send me to Africa. He said he would send me with a Christian organization to go to Africa. A 16 hour plane ride.

But he couldn't find a way for me to leave New Jersey?

My older brother endlessly lectured me, attacked me, abused me. He made my desire to leave New Jersey much stronger. I just wanted to leave New Jersey. He made my desire to leave New Jersey much stronger and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave no matter what. I had to escape the abuse from my older brother. I had to leave Norwood. I had to leave the state of New Jersey.

To prevent me from committing suicide. For the sake of my life.

When I was 16 in 2014 I was planning to commit suicide if I still lived in Norwood, New Jersey.

When I was 16 my mother gave me two choices.

#1 I can go to Chicago by myself. I have to rent a room. I have to find a minimum wage job. I have to figure everything out on my own.

#2 I move with my mother somewhere else in New Jersey. It's not what I wanted. It's still New Jersey, but at least I can leave Norwood, New Jersey.

I chose to move somewhere else in New Jersey with my mother.

In November 2014 I moved from Norwood to Englewood, New Jersey.

Englewood, New Jersey saved my life.

I lived in Englewood November 2014 to January 2016.

I took my GED test in January 2015 and got my GED in February 2015. I went to Bergen Community College starting in January 2015. I went to Bergen Community College for 1 year in 2015. I took 33 credits and had a 3.91 GPA.

I had hope for the first time I could have a happy life.

In 2016 when I was 18, my mother and I moved to the metro Atlanta area.

Atlanta is the worst thing to happen to my life.

Living in Atlanta 2016 to 2020 is the greatest regret and worst mistake I made in my life.

I will carry that pain with me until I die.

The trauma, sadness, depression, loneliness, and pain because of my older brother Paul, Norwood, New Jersey, and NVOT high school caused me to become severely mentally ill in Atlanta.

I still wonder.

Why God?

Why did you put me in Norwood, New Jersey?

With those evil, terrible people?

I think about death often because of Norwood, New Jersey.

The pain of Norwood, New Jersey hurts me to this day.

I am patiently waiting for my death.