Forgiveness

Growing up I hated many people because many people hated me and I hated myself.

Because my father abandoned the family when I was 7 and my older brother gave me 3 hour lectures many times, it made me think I was undeserving of love.

Because my family hurt me.

Because many people hurt me.

Because many people outcasted, rejected, ignored, attacked, sometimes physically attacked, abused, lied about me, and endlessly provoked me.

July 10, 2026 I decided to finally change myself for the better.

I decided to try to forgive. I decided to try to let go of my hatred, anger, poison, grudges, and misery.

People who were hurt deeply by others just like I was, I understand. Maybe your pain and trauma were much worse than mine, or better than mine.

But let's try to have peace.

Forgiveness is not giving my enemies or the people who hurt me deeply an excuse. I am not excusing them. I am not saying what they did was right or justified or understandable. No. What they did was terrible. What they did ruined my life. What they did ruined other people's lives. They caused my mental illness. They caused me to think about committing suicide many times for many years. They gave me permanent trauma and pain that hurts to this day. I have nightmares. I remember it and replay the memory in my mind endlessly. What they did was terrible. They were wrong. What they did was evil. They deserve to be punished for the harm and pain they caused me and other people.

Forgiveness is for myself. For the people who struggle to forgive, you have to accept that forgiveness is for you.

Forgiveness is freeing a prisoner. And realizing that prisoner was me.

If you allow your enemies, the people who hurt you deeply, or whoever or whatever control you and your mind, you are a mental slave of them. You are a prisoner in your mind of them. You have allowed them to control you and kill you every day. Even when years passed and you don't even physically see them or hear from them at all. You choose to let them be your ruler and punisher.

"How do I forgive? It's so hard."

I know it's hard.

The hardest thing to do in life is forgive. After that the hardest things to do in life are change and acceptance.

You have to say out loud "I will try to forgive these people. I forgive ---" and then say their names.

Fine. At first you don't believe it.

But you kept poisoning yourself every day for many years by telling yourself that the only way to solve your problem is to hate these people. And it didn't make you happy. It gave an explanation. But it didn't give you happiness and peace.

For people with severe depression and self hatred. You kept telling yourself in your mind or out loud with your words or you wrote it down that you hate yourself, you're worthless, no one loves you. You kept telling yourself that poison and cancer for many years every day. No one loves you? Then why would any single person bother wasting their time to listen to what you have to say? Seriously. If they truly hated you. If everyone hated you. They would say "Go away. Get out. You're worthless. I don't want to hear from you." Everyone would say that. You would be physically removed and banned from entering a coffee shop or a McDonalds or whatever because everyone hates you. The staff and the customers would form a barrier call the police on you and physically shove you out. But that doesn't happen. Not everyone hates you.

You kept telling yourself poison, cancer, and garbage and you believed it because you kept saying it so many times.

You should try to convince yourself to forgive the people who hurt you.

If everyone hated you. You would not be reading this. If you truly hated yourself, you would have committed suicide a long time ago. If you truly hated yourself, you would not be reading this. But you read my blog post. You want to love yourself despite how hard it is.

I want to make it clear and direct.

I'm glad you are still alive. I'm glad you are trying to change. I'm glad that you are willing to try to change your mind.

Forgive other people. Forgive yourself.

The most important thing is not "How do I do it?"

You tell yourself. You say out loud, "I want to be happy. I want to be free. I don't want to be a mental slave, a prisoner in my mind. I want peace. I can't have peace with all this hatred, anger, bitterness, grudges, and resentment. I forgive my enemies. I forgive the people who hurt me deeply. I forgive myself. Because I'm a human being. I have many people who care about me, accept me, and love me. I deserve to be happy and live."